Blog

This blog describes a developmental journey. One of living with frustration. Accumulating the coping strategies of masochism, sadism, sexual fantasy, voyeurism and mutual relationships. Inspired by psychoanalytic thinkers (Phillips, 2013, Benjamin, 2017 & Erikson 2022.) A developmental journey that begins in our infant experience.

Erotic idealisations are inevitable in therapeutic practice. Erotic idealisations can be both helpful and unhelpful. Good enough psychological therapy involves these sorts of interactions. The professional boundaries of psychological therapy encourage these sort of interactions.

It describes four possibilities, for making two mistakes, in sex. Providing ways as to how they might be avoided. The two mistakes are considering other people too little and sabotaging our wider goals. Mistakes that have traditionally been set apart. t disregards everyone's capacity to make these mistakes. Making those mistakes more likely to happen. As if the mistakes could not be understood and thus minimised. This blog is my contribution towards ending that oversight.

I am part of a wider problem of people not talking about their money. In fact, people would rather talk about their sex lives than their money. I also know that, secrets deny other people the benefit of our experience. Leaving us 'bearing the agony of an untold story.' So to be part of a positive change, I will use this blog to describe my relationship with money.

I am part of the problem of forgetting experiences of anxiety. As if remembering anxiety made it more likely to be repeated. In fact, what cannot be remembered is more likely to be repeated (Freud, 2006.) So in this blog I will remember some of my struggles with anxiety. Creating, additional, helpful memories of my anxious experiences.

I am part of the lack of understanding about myalgic encephalitis / chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS.) I cannot offer concrete recommendations to people suffering with ME/CFS. I don't fully understand why I get ill or why I have recovered four times. I can imagine my experience is typical or has no commonality with anyone else, but both seem mistaken. So this account is personal and emotional. My personal experience of ME/CFS is of being one of the lucky ones.

I have been part of the stigma about depression. I haven't written about my experience of depression before but have worked in mental health for twenty five years. At times I have sat tight while patients, and colleagues, disclosed. This secrecy, and feeling of shame, contributed to the exposure and scrutiny of people braver than me. For that omission I apologise. So from now on I want to change by writing about my experience. Not that my experience is special but it is real.

This blog looks at how to make our relationships anew by adding to our usual roles. A role is a way to relate with other people. Reciprocal roles are roles which reinforce each other. This pairing can be helpful. For example, if we want to perpetuate a beneficial status quo. In other situations, reciprocal roles can perpetuate distressing patterns of relating. For example in wholly sadomasochistic relationships. Perhaps as part of a trauma reaction.

How then to summarise what, I think, taking personal responsibility involves? We each need to decide how we want to be, then be it. I suggest we are self-creating beings. Responsible for what we make of our lives. An existentialist, Quaker inspired, philosophical stance (Guignon, 2021; Sweet, 2025 & Bragg,2012.)

Outlines how our anger can become an emotion like any other. An asset that can be used constructively for our benefit. I too have struggled to control my feelings of anger. The length of time between me experiencing anger and deciding what to do has been short. Flashes of anger, rapid thoughts, followed by flashes of behaviour.

Bags of cement, rusty poles, a rook of hoes, spades and shears; ivy growing through a crack in the door, grow bags,rolled-up carpet strips, a Helping Hand pick-up stick, plastic sheets and bamboo canes;

Creating moments of happiness in life is not always easy, yet they are incredibly important. Small, seemingly unremarkable moments of enjoyment can make our good days better and—perhaps even more importantly—make our lowest days bearable. Daily habits, hobbies, and rituals ground us in the ongoing thread of our lives, wherever it may lead. Furthermore, they connect us to people with whom we can share our experiences.

Happiness can feel like a destination, a prize to win. But is happiness a goal to reach or a lifelong companion? I suggest answering this question, requires looking beyond simple definitions, , exploring its cultural meanings, and psychological underpinnings. As such, this blog unpacks happiness and suggests additional relationships we could have with this emotion.

I wish I could rip myself to shreds Mince her up and start again. I thought if I tucked all the bad bits away They wouldn’t burrow in my gums  Bleeding rivers But they were barb wire-wrapped Cutting me to the bone On every choked out laugh

This article introduces Alfred Adler’s theory of individual psychology, which proposes that our actions are not merely reactions to past events but are driven by a desire to achieve both conscious and subconscious social goals. This purpose-driven view of behaviour is known as teleology, which stands in contrast to aetiology, the explanation of behaviour as the result of past causes.

'I tried to write down my thoughts as they were then, completely unfiltered—hence the lack of punctuation.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is a common hormonal disorder that affects women of reproductive age. It is characterized by irregular...

A few weeks ago, I turned the last page of Piranesi by Susanna Clarke. Yes, I’m aware—I’m late to the party.

'A bicultural upbringing is a rich but imperfect thing' - Jhumpa Lahiri As a child, I had the opportunity to grow up in Lebanon and...

The aim of this article is to reward the reader with a useful experience. To do so, it attempts to create a similar process to therapy, , recreating as many of the factors as possible. I will imagine your responses on the basis of my experience. There will necessarily be generalisations and mistakes. Also, as with all attempted therapeutic experiences, there is no guarantee of the outcome. So, I invite you to take a little time to consider before deciding whether to read on.

The adequacy of our social relationships impacts our risk of premature death as much as smoking and alcohol consumption and more than physical inactivity or obesity. Meaning that adequate social relationships increase the relative length of life of both parties. Social relationships come in three forms. Our integration in social networks, supportive social interactions and our perception of the social support available to us.

The ethics of co-productive relationships seem to depend upon the capacities, competencies, and the context of their participants. This blog interrogates co-productive relationships using the four principles of the British Psychological Society (BPS) (2018) code of ethics: respect, competence, responsibility and integrity. It concludes that co-productive relationships appear to have different ethical properties from other forms of helping relationships.

We believe both that people are capable of helping each other, in forensic services, at a deeper level than the existing social order currently envisions and that this is in our self interest. We think co-productive relationships are one means to achieve this outcome. Co-productive relationships are different because they prioritise equal mutual beneficial transformation. They also involve novel equal experiences, transparency, risks and discomfort.