The psychology of money

'A wise person should have money in their head, but not in their heart.' ( Jonathan Swift : Taormina Giardini, Sicily)

I am part of the problem of people not talking about their money. These secrets deny other people the benefit of our experience and leave us bearing the agony of an untold story. So to be part of a positive change this blog describes my experience with money.

'What's the point of Sainsburys? To keep the scum out of Waitrose.' - Stephen Fry

My emotions while writing this blog included disgust and excitement. At feeling cheapened by a desire for money and at the thought of reducing my desire for money. Guilt and shame about having more money than some people. Envy at having less money than some others. As if changing my desire for money, or the amount of money I have, would create a consistently better life. I begin by asking what a desire for more money tells us, about what else we want.

What else do we want, when we want more money?

'We're talking greed for money, for land, for material things and ultimately for control, status, dominance, power. The kind of greed that separates the"haves" from the"have not's' - (Ripley, B., & Ward, S., 2023.)

I have seen the amount of money I have as an entitlement. A difference, a marker and a permission to transgress. A reinforcement of a fantasy of superiority. A power to make other people do as I want, rather than as they need. A temptation to enter into a grubby business. In my experience, the more money we have the greater that temptation. Plainly put :

'Money is like manure. You have to spread it about or it smells.' - John Paul Getty

I also know, when we obtain more money, other people have relatively less money. A disparity that may disconnect us from other people and have significant negative health consequences (Perry, 2020.) These temptations, and harms, suggest that having more money could actually lead to us being poorer.

'And what are we doing with our money? We make no use of half of our income. My own money buys me nothing but an uneasy conscience (Eliot, 1993.)'

So, in all these ways, more money costs too much. So if having more money, might be too expensive. What about having less money in order to fulfill our desires?

What else do we want when we want to less money?

Money can be experienced as a responsibility. A burden to act in ways that reflect our relative wealth. While money may provide us additional choices. Too many choices can be stressful. Conversely money may also encourage an avoidance of necessary but difficult choices in life. For all these reasons, we may fantasise about a simpler life with less money. Glamorise poverty as a purer/nobler way to be. However, having less money than those around us is relative poverty. An outcome known to be detrimental to health (see Katikireddi, & Dundas, 2017.)

Alternatively, we may be attracted to the identity of a benefactor; giving alms to the poor. A role only available if we actually have more money than we need. Moreover, as George Eliot suggested, 'one must [actually] be poor, to know the luxury of giving.'

'In fact for most people money has a very small effect on happiness, because their basic needs are satisfied already, and there are other much more important, causes of happiness, of which they are not aware (Argyle, 2001, p222.)'

This evidence suggests that having less money may actually be contrary to what we want to achieve. Perhaps having money as our only source of wealth means we are already poor. What then might be the additional possibilities (to having more, or less money) to get what we want?

Diversifying how we get what we want

Money is a promise of future action. For example bank notes are titled 'I promise to pay the bearer.'So in psychological terms, money is a transitional object. Something that reassures us about the future. Giving us the confidence to explore. However, money is not the only way we can obtain promises of future action.

Promises of future action can also be obtained through secure attachments to other people, interpersonal consistency, a shared sense of fairness and loyalty. Additional means of managing our anxiety about a largely uncertain future. In these ways, we could become richer, and healthier, without having a different amount of money.

Money is also a source of power but it is not the only source of power. Our emotions, identity, behaviour and expectations exercise power over ourselves and other people. Altering our relationships, with these parts of ourselves, could be another way of diluting our dependence on money to obtain power.

'Money is like heroin for boring people.' - (the character Benji Kaplan in the film A Real Pain)

So given that we cannot all have the purchasing power of millionaires, and that being one comes with significant drawbacks. How much money is enough for each of us? I suggest that it is our needs, rather than our desires, that determine how much money is enough.

Identifying what we need rather than what we want

'Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.' - Epictetus

Firstly, can we be honest about what we need, rather than desire? For example, I feel that I need care, attention, shelter, food, freedom and affection. To be fed, stroked, desired and excited. Meeting these needs consistently seems to be only partially related to much money I have. Instead knowing my needs allows me to prioritise meeting them over how much money I have. However, trying to meet our needs is only ever partially successful.

Moreover, we cannot totally compensate for our needs not being met in the past. Leaving us with a chronic feeling of deficit. We could learn to grieve our unmet needs. Accepting we will not always get what we need. Learn to enjoy wishing for wishes sake. Enjoying the wanting without having. Whilst adding effective grieving to our list of needs. Finally, I reflect on the experience of sharing my relationship with money.

Whats it like to talk about your money?

'Too many people spend money they earned...to buy things they don't want...to impress people that they don't like.' - Will Rogers

In this blog I have shared part of my complicated relationship with money. How it fits with what I see as a problem of not talking about money. In doing so I have experienced, and contained, uncomfortable and pleasurable emotions. Identified alternative strategies to getting my wants and needs met. Including enjoying wanting something without having it. In doing so, I have placed my relationship with money in new helpful psychological containers. A useful free exercise for me and hopefully for you too.

References

Argyle, M. (2001). The psychology of happiness. 2nd Ed Routledge

Eliot, G. (1993). Middlemarch. Wordsworth Editions.

Katikireddi, S. V., & Dundas, R. (2017). Relative poverty still matters. The Lancet Public Health, 2(3), e126-e127. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpub/article/PIIS2468-2667(17)30029-4/fulltext

Phillips, A., (2013). The analyst & the bribe, video recording of paper delivered to the BCLA, retrieved: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8wGZt-4ASg

Perry, A., (2020). A matter of life and death, retrieved : https://www.drandrewperry.org/post/a-matter-of-life-and-death

Ripley, B., & Ward, S., (2023). Greed, Seven Deadly Psychologies, (BBC Radio 4.)

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001sv5c

n.b. I have also collated a list of other free resources on general health I have found helpful. You can find them here : CLICK HERE