I have been part of the stigma about depression. I haven't written about my experience of depression before but have worked in mental health for twenty five years. At times I have sat tight while patients, and colleagues, disclosed. This secrecy, and feeling of shame, contributed to the exposure and scrutiny of people braver than me. For that omission I apologise. So from now on I want to change by writing about my experience. Not that my experience is special but it is real.

This blog looks at how to change relationships by adding to our usual roles. A role is a way to relate with other people. Reciprocal roles are roles which reinforce each other. This pairing can be helpful. For example, if we want to perpetuate a beneficial status quo. In other situations, reciprocal roles can perpetuate distressing patterns of relating. For example in wholly sadomasochistic relationships. Perhaps as part of a trauma reaction.

How then to summarise what, I think, taking personal responsibility involves? We each need to decide how we want to be, then be it. I suggest we are self-creating beings. Responsible for what we make of our lives. An existentialist, Quaker inspired, philosophical stance (Guignon, 2021; Sweet, 2025 & Bragg,2012.)